Bible's Lost "Book of Peat" Discovered in Irish Bog

By Pete Boggs
Connemara, Ireland — An ancient book of psalms was found buried in a peat bog in Ireland it was reported yesterday. Believed to have been written by monks between 800 and 1,000 A.D., the discovery was made by an American tourist obsessed with Ireland's traditional harvesting of peat for fuel. Adam Tschorn, visiting Ireland for a wedding, discovered the leather-bound vellum book after bounding into a bog and grabbing two handfuls of drying peat for a photo op.
"There I was -- outstanding in my field as usual," joked Tschorn, "when all of a sudden I felt something in my right hand." Tschorn said he took the discovery as a sign from God whom he had suspected for months had been trying to send him a message. "I guess if the man upstairs wants to get your attention he can bury a book in a bog and wait for you to stumble across it." Tschorn said he would change his life as a result of the discovery, vowing to do "um, you know, something meaningful like write a book or a screenplay or learn to play the cello."