Friday, June 30, 2006

I'll Have a Fat-Frehley Latte and a Gene Cinnamons Bun

Face-paint-wearing 70's rock quartet KISS opened a coffee shop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, on Wednesday, and told the approximately 2,000 fans gathered at the Kiss Cafe plans were underway for additional doors across the country.
The menu offers drinks with names like Kiss Frozen Rockuccino, French Kiss Vanilla and Demon Dark Roast. Baristas will reportedly be kitted out in full KISS Army regalia and makeup allowing them to work in virtual anonymity and afford customers the unique exeperience of getting their first cup of coffee of the day from either a demon, a starchild, a spaceman, or a cat.
No word if beverages will be served "Hotter Than Hell" in honor of the band's 1974 sophomore album.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Playing in the NBA No Longer Requires Leather Balls

Reuters reports that the National Basketball Association his foregoing the traditional eight-panel leather ball in favor of a "proprietary microfiber material" that will allow a better grip and the quicker evaporation of sweat. The ball will be made by Russell Corporation's Spalding division.
In related news, Shelton, Conn.-based Wiffle Ball Inc. has announced it will no longer use the skin of the endangered Madagascan wiffle as the covering on its popular wiffle ball, switching to a white plastic material that will be, in the words of a company spokesman, "virtually identical."

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Arizona to Vote on Official State Language

The Associated Press reports that Arizona lawmakers are currently considering legislation that would establish English as the "official" state language. It continues a proud tradition of such designations that include the bolo tie (the official state neckwear), petrified wood (the official state fossil) the bigot (the official state mammal) and xenophobia (the official state fear).
No word yet on what the state plans to do about the name "Arizona" itself which historians and etymologists say is most likely derived from one of three foreign tongues — the Aztec Indian "arizuma" (silver-bearing"), the Tohono O'odham Indian "aleh-zone" (small spring") or Pima "ali shonak" (which also means "small spring").

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Would You Rather Go to War or Church?

The same day the Episcopal Church rejected a ban on the ordination of gay bishops, it was revealed that the Pentagon continues to classify homosexuality as a mental disorder.

Drug Users Warned of Tainted Heroin

According to this breaking news from Reuters, sticking a syringe full of China White into your forearm can apparently kill you. Good to know. I'm sure junkies around the globe will hold off until they can get their mitts on some clean dope.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Don't Get Grumpy

Lance Armstrong Wants Doping Chief Fired
President Bush reportedly upset at cyclist until Cheney explains the difference between “doping” and “dopey.”

PETA Mulls McDonald's Buy

In a new twist on corporate synergy, Nestle to buy Jenny Craig for $600 million . That's really closing the loop now, isn't it? Isn't that a little like owning stock in both Ben & Jerry's and Slim-Fast? General Motors buying up L.A.'s mass transit system?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Beer Helps Fight Prostate Cancer

It was reported today on Yahoo! News that an ingredient in beer may help prevent prostate cancer. The article notes "the ingredient is present in such small amounts that a person would have to drink more than 17 beers to benefit."

Sounds like a health regimen I can stick with.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Six of Seven Dwarfs File Paternity Suit Against Larry King

(AP) New research has found that as men age, the quality of their sperm deteriorates, making it more likely they will have trouble becoming fathers and increasing the possibility of having a child with dwarfism.