Friday, May 05, 2006

Bill Gates Doesn't Want to Be World's Richest Man

Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, whose personal fortune of nearly $50 billion makes him the wealthiest individual on the planet, recently told CNBC's Donny Deutsch he wished he wasn't the world's richest man.
In an unexpected ourpouring of support, individuals and groups from around the world have flooded the Redmond, Washington, offices of Microsoft with offers of support for the beleagured billionaire. Among them:

The Nigerian Business Roundtable whose letter read, in part, "your checking account number is required so that we may verify your complaint."

Anna Nicole Smith who called "just to say hey" and invite him out for pizza and a lap-dance "next time Melinda's out helping orphans or whatever."

The Coca-Cola Company which requested the funds so they could "finally buy the world a Coke."

Michael Jackson who, in exchange will give up some Beatles albums, a ranch outside of Santa Barbara and half interest in Tito.

37 Million Americans Living Below the Poverty Line who, in words you can't say on TV, said they wouldn't mind feeling his pain.

Sigma Alpha Epsilon, Vermont Beta Chapter, Burlington, Vt., which has pledged to use the funds to bolster the quality of its alcohol awareness program. "We'll start by producing a 30-minute three-camera video of Jenna Jameson doing beer bongs, followed by a nine-day, cocaine-fueled Jaegermeister and Schlitz bender," said chapter president Dane "the Dude" Mendoza. "At the end we'll be like -- hey kids don't do that. I think it might just work -- maybe not the first time but eventually. We won't know until we try."

No comments: